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Storing Other People’s Stuff

 

This episode we talk about storing other people’s stuff. We discuss the reasons why you might store things for others and how you can claim your space back, as well as the items you should never store in the first place.

 

Episode Transcript

BONNIE: Hello and welcome, this week’s episode we are going to be talking about storing other people’s stuff.  We will chat about when is a good time to store something for your family or friends, what items you should never store and how to start a conversion about someone getting their stuff out of your space.

LILY: Bonnie first things first, I actually want to do a little shout out to our listeners.  So we actually have an international audience

BONNIE: Do we?

LILY: We are listened to in over 26 countries, that we know of at the moment, which is really cool

BONNIE: Gracias, danke, danke viel, um arigato

LILY: Yeah or arigato gozaimas,

BONNIE: Yes that’s about all I think of right now.

LILY: Oh well done

BONNIE: Thank you

LILY: So cultured

BONNIE: Yes

LILY: But it is really awesome, I love having an international audience and of course we love our home grown audience here in Australia too, but 2 places I wanted to point out, we actually have quite a large following in Norway and in Singapore.

BONNIE: Ohh

LILY: I know and I thought that was really cool and I wondered if Singapore had anything to do with the huge ex-pat community that they have there at the moment.  Um but yeah Norway.  So random right.

BONNIE: You know what, give us a shout out if are in Norway because I would love to go to Norway sometime and I would love to know someone there that I can go and stay with.

LILY: Free accommodation hey.

BONNIE: I don’t think any of us are going to be travelling for sometime but you know lets make friends now and we will come visit later.

LILY: Yeah long term plan but you know you can tell us a bit more about Norway and what to see and do there and even Singapore I have heard it is like one of the cleanest cities in the world.

BONNIE:  Yes I have been to Singapore a couple of times and it is lovely

LILY: Oh that would be amazing.

BONNIE: They are very well organised actually

LILY: Ahhh it all makes sense.  So just a few shout outs to our audiences here in Australia and overseas.  It is so lovely to have you guys listening to us and if you are enjoying the podcast as well feel free to jump on Apple podcast and write a rating and review and let us know that you are enjoying the podcast, it really does mean a lot to us and it helps more people who have never heard of the podcast find us as well.

BONNIE: Now we are talking about storing other peoples stuff and I think this is such a timely episode because we are about to go and store stuff at other peoples houses but first of all you have been overseas for nearly 6 years was it, you have been back for about a year now and you have done the whole summer camps, ski season, all that kind of stuff and you stored stuff at other peoples houses, so what did you store.

LILY: Everything that didn’t fit into that suitcase.  So we basically, when we got married we saved and saved for a couple of months before we started going overseas and during that time we house sat

BONNIE: That’s a great money saver

LILY: Yeah and it is awesome because people, you know, you can build up a bit of house sitting resume and so people feel like they are getting somebody that they trust and you know they can check your references.

BONNIE: It is all about your references and that word of mouth referral

LILY: And it is awesome for you, you save money and you are not paying rent, and you are not committed anywhere and it is awesome for them because they are not having to pay anyone for the service, we just did it as a mutually beneficial arrangement but it meant from the get go all of our stuff once we like left our individual homes needed somewhere to be stored and then we went overseas and then all of our stuff needed to be stored um somewhere more long term.

BONNIE: So this is more than just the glory box of stuff you were saving up in your teenage years before you got married

LILY: Exactly that blanket box was filled and then it was brimming out into other spaces and before you know we had been away for 6 years and we had left a bunch of stuff at my husband’s parents house which is actually where we currently live now and you would have heard me referring to the storage room of doom.

BONNIE: Yes

LILY: And that is literally our life and in the first couple of years that we were traveling we didn’t accumulate much stuff to bring back and add to the room but in the last 2 years we were, it was the first time we were actually in like one country for more than 6 months and we brought furniture and we bought a few other things

BONNIE: And a car

LILY: And a car, we didn’t bring the car back, transferring cars internationally is hugely expensive so we sold the car there, but there was a few pieces of furniture we left because we didn’t love it but the pieces that really meant a lot we were really intentional we brought them back but now we have brought them back to a house which is fully catered for with furniture so our stuff just got put into storage.

BONNIE:  Mmmm so the storage room of doom kind of expanded to accumulate the stuff you brought back after your big trips

LILY: Yeah that’s how it has achieved that doom status.

BONNIE: Yeah

LILY: What about you

BONNIE: So we have done storage a couple of time, so first of all when we got married, I think we are nearly 11 ½ years married now, um we did a year of house sitting because really wanted to experience different houses, we knew that we were likely going to be moving about a year into our marriage because my husband’s career and so we just thought oh look lets do it while we have no kids, got no responsibilities, lets do it, and it was awesome because we really learnt what we liked about different houses but in the meantime we did store a bit of stuff at our parents house and it wasn’t huge because like both of us had lived at home and we hadn’t lived out of home before we got married and so we didn’t have all this furniture and blah, blah blah it was just really like that glory box type stuff and you know maybe a few sentimental things from your childhood bedroom.  So we had a really small amount and I don’t even remember where it necessarily got stored and we house sat for a year and then we moved up to Townsville and so we took all our stuff and it was like oh wow, it was like Christmas, unwrapping the stuff  that had been in storage for a while

LILY: Isn’t it, the stuff that has been in storage for a while

BONNIE: It was only a year but it was like, all these wedding presents, and that was probably the biggest amount of stuff we had to store was wedding presents, I think

LILY: Oh year

BONNIE: And now we have just actually sold our house and we settle in the next kind of 5 weeks and um we will be moving back into our parents house

LILY: You are joining the club, you have seen the light

BONNIE: I know, I know, it is a bittersweet moment because I have loved you know being the matriarch of our house and just having yeah things the way I like it and so now it is like reverting back to not childhood but yeah like having to be really conscious of another adult or another couple and the way they like to do things and our parents have been in that house now for I don’t know 18 years, so we

LILY: A lot of accommodating for sure.

BONNIE: Yeah we are the intruders, we are the aliens, and I am moving back into my old bedroom

LILY: Ohhh

BONNIE: which is so funny

LILY: Full circle moment

BONNIE: So full circle, so we are downsizing hugely to do this move and our move there is only temporary because we are planning on buying a block on the Sunshine Coast and building not a tiny house but a smaller house and having lots of space to be able to run around and let the kids get dirty.  So we are going into this phase of yeah storing things at other peoples houses.  So this is very timely.

LILY: Absolutely and I mean for you guys you are downsizing, and you don’t actually have too much stuff anyway cause you are someone who is very intentional with their home and their clutter and keeping on top of it.  So you don’t even have much but even for you in this transition there is stuff that you think, I will need this soon and so I have to find somewhere to store it and this episode is all about the people who say yes to taking on the storage items.

BONNIE: Yes and when you should say yes and when you should say no

LILY: That’s it.

BONNIE: Which can be a bit of a dividing topic because I think often especially when it is family or when it is people we love dearly we overburden ourselves with their stuff and their responsibilities and we will say yes sometimes maybe we should be say no though

LILY: Yeah there is definitely a selflessness to it as like this is something simple that I can do to take care of somebody else but it comes a point where these things can be problematic and we are not taking care of ourselves and putting in place boundaries to look after our family and our home as well and there is multiple reasons that people do bring stuff into the home and one of the most challenging things is I think is when it is something that you are holding for a family member, for a kid

BONNIE: Yeah so like when they have moved out to go to university or they have moved away for a job, they have just basically packed up the suitcase and they have left and then they have left there childhood bedroom and they don’t know if they are coming back, when they are coming back, maybe they have gone off to college for 4 years and there is this bit of uncertainty, that can be a time where we would store things for them.

LILY: What’s interesting about that college comment is here in Australia it is very common that we commute to a uni,

BONNIE: Yes there is not often a lot of moving interstate for it

LILY: No

BONNIE:  But in America that’s like common practice isn’t it.

LILY: Yes but a lot of my American friends, their childhood bedrooms are untouched

BONNIE: Yeah I always find that so interesting in the movies

LILY: Movies

BONNIE: I am thinking I wonder if that is actually how it is, like the trophies, the banners on the wall, all that, the pictures on the mirror and I just wonder yeah like it

LILY: Yeah it is

BONNIE: The shrine

LILY: You know that’s Kate’s room and even though Kate has gone off to college, Kate will be back in a few months and then this is her room again, and it can be really hard because it is also, yeah it is a bit of shrine but it is like their place and it is hard to do anything with it to make it a functional room, like if you are an empty nester and your kids have moved out it can be like, oh I want to be able to accommodate them but you know are you also able to have the space to for the things that matter to you know at this point in your life.  Like do you have hobbies and things that you would like to do but all your rooms are still set up from all your children that still live at home.

BONNIE: The other thing that I think as a parent I am starting to become more and more aware of is you don’t want your children to feel like you have pushed them out of your life.  And when you pack up their room when they moved off to college like a week ago, there might be that feeling of there is no space for me at my parents house anymore and especially I think if you are not sure where you are going after college, or whether you are going back to your home town or whether you are moving onto somewhere new, there can be that uncertainty of the fear of the future and so I think for some parents keeping the bedroom the way that always has been

LILY: Says your welcome, you are always welcome

BONNIE: It says you are welcome but on the flip side, I have spoken to people who have had their parents pack up their bedroom after they have left and they are totally fine with it.  So it really just depends on the dynamic

LILY: On the person, yeah I found it really hard leaving and coming back and being like no this is my bedroom, this is my bedroom

BONNIE: This is my bright purple bedroom, get out of it.

LILY: I will have you know it is bright pink.  The hottest eye-piercing version of pink you can imagine but it was the colour of my bedroom

BONNIE: It is pretty awesome.

LILY: so the reasons that we do store peoples stuff or in our case the reasons people store our stuff was we you know, we moved out and moved away, another reason is as we mentioned these life transitions so like say that someone in your life is between homes but you know they are going to another home and you just housing their stuff in that temporary transitional period, um

BONNIE: Maybe they need to move into state but they can’t for 6 months so some reason but they just need to get out of the house because it was rental or they need to sell it now because of the economic climate, like there can be some really good reasons why you would store somebodies stuff for them and these are some of them.

LILY: And I think one controversial reason that people might be storing other peoples stuff it lets say, you’re a parent and your daughter Jane is living in a rental and the rental agency has said hey Jane this house is too cluttered it is not up the standard of the rental, you need to declutter, we need to make sure you are keeping things hygienic or orderly

BONNIE: Or safe

LILY:  And safe, and Jane’s only option is to either declutter or give her stuff away and rather than face the challenge of decluttering and working through that it becomes a later problem and so Jane’s Band-Aid solution is then she gives it to her parents.

BONNIE: The flip side of that as well is if you are someone that for some reason has like maybe a disability, so whether it is a psycho-social disability, or a physical disability and the rental agency has said you need to clean up the house is too cluttered, you might not have the physical or emotional capacity to actually do the decluttering

LILY: Absolutely, or if you are someone who has, is in a really challenging mental health position.

BONNIE: Mmm, yep exactly.  Now I want to talk a little bit about when it might be good to say yes to storing stuff for people that you love, whether it is friends or family and I think of at the moment we have had this table, so my brother in law and his wife they downsized from like your standard 4 bedroom 2 bathroom, quite a large house on a large block and they downsized quite intentionally to a 2 bedroom cottage on a smaller block and because  they have like really reduced there mortgage their lifestyle has much improved and they are feeling much more relaxed and happy and they have said like it has been an amazing change for them, and even though the 2 girls who are pre teenager are sharing a bedroom it is actually working out really well for them.

LILY: That’s awesome

BONNIE: And they had this amazing outdoor table like you could fit 12 adults comfortably, 18-20 people a little bit more squished, like it is just huge and where they had it at their old house was like the perfect space for it, you had plenty of room around it, but when they downsized there was no patio, there was no place to be able to put this table but they loved it so much and they saw that we had a patio space and no great table, so they said would you like to store it and if you guys ever move or you want to sell it or whatever like lets chat about it and we will kind of make a decision.  So it was kind of theirs, kind of ours um and what was awesome about it, is as soon at it came into our patio we all of a sudden then could have family dinner at our place with the 15 or 16 people so us storing that for them and now we are planning to move and we are going to sell it or give it to another family, that has been awesome for us storing it because it has actually really benefitted us.

LILY: Yeah it has been a blessing

BONNIE: Yeah, yeah so it is a win win situation and I think that is the key when you are storing other peoples stuff I think it has to be beneficial for both parties.

LILY: Another thing I think is if someone was to give me stuff and say hey can you store this for me until the 30th of this month.

BONNIE: Yes a deadline, that is really important to remember because when you say, do what you guys did and we are going overseas for 1 ski season, which turned into 6 years

LILY: Yeah exactly

BONNIE: There is no deadline and I

LILY Originally there was, there was the deadline of oh we are going to be coming back this time and then we came back and said actually we are going to go again, and then we went again

BONNIE: Oh that’s right you did

LILY: Yeah and then we did that like 3 or 4 times and then we were like actually we are moving overseas and then we shipped a lot of our stuff over

BONNIE: Yes that’s right

LILY: And then we shipped more stuff back

BONNIE: Yes

LILY: But I think a clear deadline is important because it says hey now I respect that maybe this is a slight inconvenience, maybe this will clutter up your house a little bit but I promise it is only for a short period of time, so setting that time frame down can say to this other, the person who is storing the stuff,  there is a limit and

BONNIE: There is a boundary

LILY: There is a boundary and boundaries we know are  super important.

BONNIE: The other thing to think about as well is the quantity of stuff.  So you can say yes when the quantity of stuff that someone needs to store is actually going to fit. Is it size appropriate? Or does it mean that you actually have to pack up half of your house and condense all of your stuff and your living areas just to be able to fit their stuff in.

LILY: Yeah or even like lets say you are someone who really likes to have, you have like an additional space like a rumpus room and you like to entertain, like I know at my in-laws place when we were away I inherited a cabinet and it is a cabinet that I want to use in my own home but I didn’t have

BONNIE: Oh this is from our grandparents

LILY: Yeah I didn’t have the space for it and so it ended up in their rumpus room and it has managed to be shifted off to the size and they have actually filled it with board games so it has become functional for them but you can imagine let say I inherited 10 cabinets, I don’t know why, won the lottery, who wants 10 cabinets, not me.  If I had no where to store them and I wasn’t been intentional about decluttering and expected to store it in the extra rumpus room, that rumpus room is designed for entertaining and having guests and parties, that has impinged on their lifestyle and their ability to have people over and that wouldn’t be you know fair for me to do that so I think the quantity is important as well but speaking of things that I have done, where I have been clearly violating

BONNIE: Violating boundaries

LILY: It is not a clutter confession per say.

BONNIE: Lets talk about the elephant in the room, or should we stay the dog

LILY: So long story short I fostered a dog for a friend for 6 months and it was soon after our family dog had passed away and so I was really looking for something to emotionally invest to much energy into and so this dog

BONNIE: It would sneak up into your bedroom at night when mum didn’t look

LILY: She didn’t know

BONNIE: I hate to tell you, she knows

LILY: What

BONNIE: She knows

LILY:  Ohh, do they really know?

BONNIE: They really know

LILY: Oh that’s really bad.

BONNIE: She hasn’t talked to you about it so it that means it is in the past.

LILY: NO that just means that she is that mad.  Okay moving on.

BONNIE: It is hibernating, one day it is just going to explode.

LILY: So I really cared for this dog and I fostered her for 6 months and then his original owner said hey we can’t give her the home that we want to anymore would you mind taking her and keeping her

BONNIE: Yeah because they had

LILY: And so I said yes, cause I was like loving this dog and I was fully committed to having her and I didn’t know that my life would change and that I would decide to go overseas with my husband and so it started off with Hey mum and dad can you look after the dog for 6-9 months and then that happened for multiple years and then I was away for 2 years and now she is their dog basically. I mean I pay for all of her financials but they emotionally take care of her.

BONNIE: So you are paying child support.

LILY: For the dog yeah

BONNIE: And you have visitation rights

LILY: I do.  And every time I go to see her she is still just as happy to see me, she is so loving and forgiving but you know I think when you think of her as a practical example, like they agreed to say yes to taking her on but that should always be the case, like the people who take on your stuff should be

BONNIE: Happy to have that extra responsibility.

LILY: They should be willing and ready for that responsibility, it should be burdensome for them.

BONNIE: Definitely.

BONNIE: Okay I think it is time for a clutter confession and when we come back we are going to talk about when it is maybe not a good time to say yes to storing someone’s stuff.

CLUTTER CONFESSIONS:

ANONYMOUS CALLER: Hey guys long time listener, first time caller.  My clutter confession is that I am currently standing in my garage where we have 8 sets of pads, these are cricket batting pads, 3 spare helmets, 4 spare cricket bats and 14 sets of gloves that potentially have not being used for probably 3-4 seasons now, basically I get given my gear now but at one point in my life I obviously had to use my hard earned cash for this hobby of playing cricket and therefore I feel very very attached to it and like throwing it out would be a complete waste of my hard earned cash so consequently they sit in the garage and take up room and I am really can’t see the next time that they are going to be used, um so any suggestions I am all ears.

LILY: You know what with that amount of like cricket pads and gloves and things like that if there was to every be a zombie apocalypse they would be so ready.

BONNIE: We have the protective gear,  we have got the bats,

LILY: Yeah we have the weapons

BONNIE: Come at us

LILY: Yeah we are good.

BONNIE: Has he got helmets too,

LILY: Oh he must.

BONNIE: Yeah

LILY: That’s wild, that a huge collection.

BONNIE: But it is so true what he said about he gets it free now but it is his hard earned cash

LILY: The money you spend.

BONNIE: And especially if you’re a teenager or you are in your early 20’s and you are just kind of stepping into that phase of paying for your own things whereas before hand maybe your parents paid for them, then it really becomes more of a responsibility and an ownership thing for you, because it is the money that you have worked really hard to earn and to spend and so getting rid of the stuff that represents that money seems even more difficult.  But I am really glad he clarified when he said pads at first, I thought that is really odd that a bloke is owning up to having ladies hygiene products.

LILY:  laughter  phew

BONNIE: Yeah, but we do have some good news for you anonymous caller, there are plenty of charities out there especially ones like books for PNG kids who love taking your unused sporting goods

LILY: OH absolutely

BONNIE: And giving them to these kids in rural communities.  Some in Australia and some overseas so get in touch with us and we will be able to point you in the right direction.

LILY: We want to hear your clutter confessions so head to our Facebook page, send us an audio message or something weird, wacky or wonderful you have held onto, a kooky item, an interesting collection, we would love to hear it and we keep it anonymous.

MUSIC:

BONNIE: Now there are some times when it might be good for us to say no to storing people’s stuff and I think the most obvious one is when you don’t have the space, or when it makes your space too cluttered and unsafe and that might come in the form of your home is already very cluttered and so by adding someone else’s stuff in, it makes it even more cluttered, or if you are storing stuff, say in a garage, say you have got a spare single car garage and you say okay you can put whatever you need to in there, if they have stacked it so high that it is like the leaning tower of Pisa in there, that’s not safe for anybody to be in there, so that then is  time where you have to say, no there is too much, you have got to take some of it out.

LILY: I think another reason will definitely have to be responsibility, like we talked about with Lolly.  Like if your

BONNIE: The dog

LILY: The dog, yeah, everyone knows my dog.  But if you are impinging extra responsibilities onto other people, so if

BONNIE: Is that even a word

LILY: To impinge

BONNIE: Impinging extra responsibilities.

LILY: Well that is a sentence.

BONNIE: Yeah it is a sentence but is it the right verb?

LILY: DO you want to pause the podcast and look that up right now?

BONNIE: No I don’t but anyway

LILY: It is impinging on other people.

BONNIE: Yeah okay cool.

LILY:  Right great debate topic.

BONNIE: We are not doing the Kombucha thing again okay

LILY: Oh I need to check the results of that to see if I am right

BONNIE: I think it was 50/50 last time I looked

LILY: Yeah me too.  Divisive

BONNIE: That does not help us at all, come on people put your votes in.  Go to the Little Home Organised community on Facebook and vote, it is Kombucha or Kombucha?

LILY: Yeah we definitely know that whatever it is Bonnie is wrong.  So if you are putting extra responsibilities  onto people.

BONNIE: Like the dog,

LILY: Like the dog for example but even things that need maintenance to keep them in good condition.  Like you shouldn’t been

BONNIE: Like you have really high standards.  I would like to store this at your house but you need to oil.

LILY: It cannot get dusty

BONNIE: Or it cannot get wet, you need to oil it and wax it.  Why do we go to a British accent every time we do that.

LILY: I don’t know why

BONNIE: Sorry to everybody in the UK.

LILY: Like that’s not fair to burden somebody else with the responsibility, um

BONNIE: The upkeep, it is not just the storage then, it is the maintenance, and the upkeep that you are adding to them as well.

LILY: Some of you who are listening might think well what kind of person would do that, and I think it is that as children we do do this to our parents.

BONNIE: I was going to say, just ask Lily.  She gave them their dog

LILY: I left them my dog, like it is this expectation that at the end of the day my parents will take care of me and do what they can

BONNIE: They will do anything for me, because that’s what parents do, the sacrifice

LILY: And they love us but there needs to be boundaries, like we need to be mindful of enabling behaviours and we need to set boundaries to protect ourselves and protect our time.

BONNIE: The other time I think it is good to say no, is when it is encouraging enabling behaviour

LILY: Yeah

BONNIE: So if you have got someone in your life that says I have got too much stuff the rental agency is going to kick me out if I don’t get rid of some of it and I can’t go through it, and it is an excuse not a reason, then you might be by saying yes to storing their stuff encouraging enabling behaviour of not making decisions, not letting go of clutter whatever it might be.  Like the story I heard the other day from a real estate agent who sold a house to a man whose wife had filled the first house with stuff and he needed to buy a second house next door to move into.

LILY: Wow, that’s incredible

BONNIE: That is extreme

LILY: That is extreme but it is a totally valid point

BONNIE: But I had heard about it plenty of other times when you talk about like the hoarding shows and stuff in America there was a lot of talk about people doing multiple houses

LILY: And again like you know referenced earlier keeping in mind those people with disabilities, those people with mental health issues who may struggle to make these decisions well that is like enabling the behaviour is that helping them in the long run or is that a cue that it is like hey this is time as a community, as your support network

BONNIE: We need to deal with this.

LILY: To help, to help and I am not just going to just take this stuff and we are going to do something about it, you know.  I um, I can take your 10 sets of tables and chairs in my house, yes I could fit them but is that ultimately benefiting you in the long run, is it benefitting me but I am more concerned about your habits and attachments to things and like your mental health around how your identify yourself within your stuff.

BONNIE: The other thing to remember with storage is that storage should be a temporary solution not a long term solution, so whenever we need to put something into storage it means that we are not using it, we are just storing it, so you also need to consider why am I storing it, for how long am I storing it, and what is the end goal of this.

LILY: I just had a thought that maybe mum knows but dad doesn’t.

BONNIE: Who cares

LILY: I care

BONNIE: It is so long ago.

LILY: I don’t want dad to know

BONNIE: What is he going to do, Lily you took the dog into your room on the carpet,  naughty girl.

LILY: I know it is just disappointment, I don’t want to disappoint him.  I am a grown woman

BONNIE: He is not going to take your dolls away okay.  He is not going to smack your bottom, you will be fine

LILY: Um, my dolls away…. Total side note do you remember when he accidentally threw my bag of barbies in the bin.

BONNIE: Yes, yes

LILY: That was so sad, you were sad I was sad

BONNIE: Was that after a garage sale and he like gave, they didn’t get bought and then

LILY: No, yeah there was some kind of like charity sale at like church and they were in like a plastic bag and he accidentally threw the whole bag out. He was doing a great thing, he was helping everybody clean up,

BONNIE: Yeah

LILY: And threw them out and like I, I don’t know why I had taken them there, it must have been to play.

BONNIE: TO keep you amused.

LILY: Yeah and he then realised how expensive barbies were because I had accumulated them over years because Mum didn’t just buy me 10 barbies every year.  She was really intentional that you know they are expensive, you get them and you love them.   You know

BONNIE: They are not that expensive nowadays though

LILY: Oh, I am sure there are other things that have replaced that kids are into but I remember him going to the shops with me because he felt so bad

BONNIE: Poor dad

LILY: I felt so sad and when he looked at the price of the barbies he realised he couldn’t afford at that time to replace what he had thrown

BONNIE: All of them

LILY: Because they were so expensive and he was sad and I was sad and

BONNIE: Everybody was sad

LILY: And at the end of the day we stopped talking about the dog.  So

BONNIE: Okay the last point that I want to make when you should say no to people storing stuff in your house is if it makes you resentful.

LILY: Oh yes, like why do that, don’t do it to yourself

BONNIE: It will damage the relationship and then sometimes that can be irreparable and it is just not worth the effort.

LILY: And if you are resenting someone, you are also in a position where again and I have talked about this in previous episodes, if you think if yourself being like pro active and taking responsibility for your life versus blaming excuses and denial which again I am going to go into in another episode in so much detail because I love it, it is called living above and below the line, when you are resentful you are like blaming other people and feeling that other people are responsible for the way you feel, and its like you know, we know, things happen to us in life but we are also accountable for our own feelings and we need to own that and we need to be responsible, if I resent the fact that you filled my lounge room with your stuff, then you know the problem here is not just you it is me.  I need to say no I need to have my boundaries up.

BONNIE: And it is that whole make your boundaries, respect your boundaries so that other people respect your boundaries also.

LILY: Yeah, yeah give your self some self-loving.  And I think it goes without saying there are certain things you just never store for somebody else

BONNIE: Like what?

LILY: I don’t know like weaponry.

BONNIE: You mean like a samurai sword.

LILY: That’s interesting,

BONNIE:  Or some firearms

LILY: Very specific, samurai sword I guess you could get away if it was like safely stored up on a wall and on display maybe.

BONNIE: It depends

LILY: If it is legit or not.

BONNIE: If it is locked, I think actually here in Australia

LILY: They have to be locked

BONNIE: They need to be in like some sort of locked display cabinet.

LILY: If you are storing some stuff for your grandmother and she has a set of nunchucks you want to put them away.

BONNIE: Yeah or do you know what I actually found in our Oma’s apartment when I was decluttering

LILY: Where is this sentence going?

BONNIE: Was, I thought it was a gun, it turned out to be a BB gun but I like messaged my husband and was like I think I have just found a handgun and he is like no no it is just a BB gun it is okay, and I was like oh sssshh

LILY: OH yeah I mean I wouldn’t know

BONNIE: I was like Oma,

LILY: Apples from oranges there.

BONNIE: What do you have a gun in your wardrobe for.

LILY: Oma has this whole other life she lead that we clearly didn’t know about

BONNIE: No

LILY: But never store things that are illegal for somebody else.  You don’t want to incriminate yourself in a crime and if someone is like hey I just need to store these mysterious bags at your house

BONNIE: Or these brand new TVs

LILY: Or these brand new sets of TVs, they just fell of the back of a truck.  You are probably just going to go with No you don’t want to be an accomplice for something, respect your own boundaries and the life that you live outside of confinement.

BONNIE: Yes

LILY: And then I would also say don’t store anything that is actually going to be unsafe.

BONNIE: Yes so like chemicals or things that are rusty or sharp or  mould

LILY: Yes and mould sometimes can be a little bit hidden but if you know that by storing something in your house it is going to like accumulate mould and again this comes with a whole upkeep thing

BONNIE: Or if you live somewhere that is really humid and like plastic bags around clothes, clothes go mouldy in humid climates when they are in plastic bags

LILY: Yeah so like be mindful of those things and they are other reasons that you know it is is not worthwhile taking on board that stuff for other people.

BONNIE: If it smells funky say no

LILY: Love it.

BONNIE: So onto today’s tidy task, so if you are storing stuff in your house for people, whether it’s a kid that has move out for university, friends that are temporarily overseas, start a conversation with them.  If you want the stuff out of your space, it is time to start the conversation.  So sit down with them at a time where you are not hungry, angry, lonely or tired, you have all been well fed and well slept and in a good state of mind and just start the communication.  Set a deadline. Okay realistically what is a time where you can get your stuff out because I would like to reclaim this stuff.  Alright lets set a date for a month from today or whatever the deadline is and communication your boundaries clearly.  Then when a month passes or when you get close to the deadline, give a little reminder hey just reminding you that, that deadline is coming up in a week.  If that person does not get their stuff out of your space it is now up to you to make a decision.  You have told them what is going to happen if the deadline passes and the stuff is not gone so now it is up to you to follow through and make a decision about where it is going to go.  And that is your very heavy deep tidy task for this week.

LILY: OH boy well that is it for this week’s episode.  Thank you so much everyone for tunning in whether you are in Australia, Norway, Singapore or the States or anywhere else we are so glad that you have chosen to have us in your ears.

BONNIE: And remember PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION.

LILY: See you later

BONNIE: Bye

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